Diwali 1991: Albert Theatre/Udhayam theatre:
The rain scene is shown. It is the Rajinikanth introduction scene in the movie. A phenomena never heard of in any other movie industry. This is when the excitement is at its peak. Manirathnam better than any other director knows how to whip up that frenzy. The bad guy is being punched and he sways in the rain as a result of the impact of the punch.
Then...........
the puncher, Rajinikanth is revealed to the public. As he pauses in slow-motion in the rain to deliver another punch -- the noise of the theatre crowd is deafening. Currency notes are being thrown from the balcony seats, coins are being thrown. At least 300 people are whistling simultaneously. Large chunks of camphor are lit and maha aathi performed. The atmosphere, to put it euphimistically is electric with cries of Thalaiva.... Nobody outside TamilNadu will experience the emotion and the charge that the opening day of a Rajinikanth movie generates. People outside can barely comprehend this kind of mania.
Kamalahaasan's eccentric and experimental Guna and Rajinikanth's Dalapathi are released on the same day. 8 of TamilNadus top actors like Sathyaraj, Prabhu, Vijaykanth to even Pandiyan release a movie each the same day. But Dalapthi rocks like no other movie. The explosive combination of Manirathnam, Ilayaraja and Rajinikanth lead the pack leaving everyone else behind. Although Guna was brilliant in patches, his movie as a raving lunatic who kidnaps a woman and dodges the police in the hills of kodaikaanal failed to impress. The war that year belonged to Rajini and Rajini only.
Skip a year - its 1992 Diwali, Udhayam /Albert / Abhirami Theatres:
Rajinikanth is humbled. After an unprecedented sucess run of 4 movies (Thalapthi, Mannan, Annamalai, Yejamaan) his Panidan flops BIG TIME.
Kamalahaasan's classic Devar Magan wins not just a national award but was India's entry into the forign film category at the Oscars that year.
Kamalahassan won the war that year hands down with a brilliant portrayal of the foreign educated son coming back to become the manin mainthan.
Sivaji Ganesan who played a cameo in Devar Magan knew exactly what the war was about. He had, once upon a time, weilded the same sword that Kamal then weilded against MGR. The powerful portrayal of the duo will leave a mark forever in tamil cinema - even vadivelu's cameo ( after his right hand is cut off.....). Unfortunately due to fan clashes and market reasons the two iconic stars mutually decided never to release a movie on the same day! ever again.
After more than decade of silence these two decide to release a movie on Tamil New Year's day. The last time they released together Sun TV had not yet setup shop, Star TV was just peeping inside India and ARRahman had just done 1 movie. The actors careers have changed considerably.
Kamalahaasan has gone one to bigger and greater heights as an actor and director. Rajinikanth has reached unimaginable heights of popularity (to the point of even contemplating a political career which he embarassingly had to forgo). Kamalahassan, this time, comes up with a bilingual(in Hindi and Tamil) called Mumbai Express. Rajinikanth does a remake of a Malayalam-telegu-Kanada movie called Chandramukhi. This time again it's a clear win for the style king!! Though think the winner was more the story line and Jo's acting combined with Thaliavar / vadivelu comedy.
Tamil Nadu, to an outsider, is in many ways a perplexing place. I personally think it's a crazy place filled with impossible people. When it comes to good ol' TN there is no middle ground.A freakish variant of dvaitham philosophy is prevalant. No kidding! Seriously! Hear me out -- A phenomenon is present and its complete opposite is also juxtaposed along with it -- just to make things interesting. -- a complete set of incongruous people have been thrown together to live in one single province.
"When will these people realize that there is a world beyond Arakonam" outsides will thunder in frustration, when most people in TN completely refuse to acknowledge the existence of people & civilization outside its borders. As far as any Tamilian is concerned the only bad thing in his state is the highway signboard which says " Bangalore 357 Kms". I would attribute the "extreme attitudes" to Darwin's you-know-what theory. The maniacal way in which it rejects all foriegn laguages is attributable to how it evolved historically.
This is a state which houses the oldest language spoken in the Indian subcontinent and constantly boasts about Tamil being one of the 7 classical languages in the world. Its status of being the only lanaguage with an unbroken link of 2 millenia puts to shame even Latin ( which is apparently another classical language to have suffered many broken links). There is a kind of a fierce territorial instinct that almost rejects any thing that even remotely threatens its language. This rejection instinct seem to be encoded into the gene system.
The inherent incongruity is the key here. The sharp contrasts, oxymorons and the obvious contradictions makes the place look jarring homogeneous as well as unbelievably hetrogeneous. This is what confuses the outsider. In the land of temples where Tamil literally equals and rivals Sanskrit, in terms of religious texts and slokas, there exists India's biggest atheist movement. A movement which was so fierce in the late 60's that its diety breaking practices prompted the erstwhile freedom fighter Rajaji to pawn off Thirupathi to Andhra in exchange of the moolah-filled Madras to save Lord Balaji himself.
Admist people who won't see beyond Arakonam, there exists a status as the 3rd biggest NRI exporting state in India. The land of agraharams and mad superstitious beliefs went onto to become the only state with the gall to arrest a religious head like Sankaracharyar. The quintessential Tamilian that Mr. Karunanidhi is -- has repeatedly lost to an rank outsider, a Keralite called M.G.Ramachandran and a perceived outsider (albeit incorrectly perceived as a kanndiga) Ms.Jayalalitha. John Woo would give his left hand to make a TN based story that would continue with his tradition of making a dvaithic A Vs B films ( you know where there are always two fierce rivals.. just two and they always have a gun pointed againt each other in close-up).
The movie world also has its ADMK Vs DMK kind of war between two fierce rivals. Unlike many places is in India, Bollywood is non-existent in Tamil Nadu. The popularity order is Tamil Movies -> Hollywood -> Telegu Movies -> Bollywood. Sharukh Khan could be a laundary detergent brand as far as people there are concerned ( just to emphasize the "land beyond arakonam" theory).
This intense movie industry has seen two generations of Sivaji vs MGR, Kamal vs Rajini and Ilayaraja Vs A.R.Rahman. People have spent millions of hours debating who is the best ( you can include Gavaskar Vs Srikanth here). There is always the clear war between 2 people in TN. And suprisingly in a state which rejects outsiders, a hardcore native is always pitted with a non-native and the support given to both parties are almost equal. In the 50's 60's and 70's The quintessential Tamilian, the son of thanjavur and according to me the greatest actor to have ever graced the earth, Sivaji Ganesan, faced a fierce rival in the mallu that was MGR.
Their kind of one-on-one clash for success and popularity in the tinsel world is something exclusive to TN alone. Kamalahassan, a native born in Ramanathapuram continued the tradition and waged a on-screen war with Rajinikanth, a Kannadiga. The Kamal Vs Rajini though it started off rather modestly grew into gigantic proportions in the 80s and early 90's. Surprisingly in both cases, the natives were the "real actors" and the non-natives the "pure entertainers".
Kamal Hassan
Kamalhaasan has carved a niche for himself in the film world. Here is an actor/director who really understands movies and makes a bulk of the cutting edge movies in India. He falls into the "movie geek" variety. He is a genuine movie buff who can probably write a thesis on Kurosawa, Coppolla and Scorcese. He is a learned Bharathanatyam dancer, has also worked as a choreographer in movies and one who can talk at length on James Brown's dance moves. He is a singer and quite a good one at that.
Apart from being India's best actor he can definitely write screenplay, dialogues and direct as well as any other person in India. His stories are well thought out, often rebellious and deals with subjects that either bring out the land's culture very well or causes the people to think deeply of values and issues. He is unbelievably articulate, has pretty strong viewpoints, definitive goals and can talk about writers from Betrand Rusell to ancient texts like Purananooru and Tholkaapiyam.
In short his is the resume every aspiring actor wants to have. Although any avid movie buff would salute in respect to Mr.Kamalahassan, he would not get any points from the traditionalists on the topic of his personal life. He is a suspect atheist and critisises, quite openly, societal structures like marriage and relationships. People (the ones who usually dont get his viewpoint) hate him passionately and ladies ( ofcourse!there are the ladies) dislike him for being the "womanizer".
Rajinikanth:
Rajinikanth is well... Rajinikanth. Nobody can say anything more! He is the complete oposite of Kamalahaasan ( Remember we are talking incongruency and Tamil Nadu here). While Kamalahaasan has 2 wives ( and 2 divorces), 2 children outside of marriage and is alleged to have been involved in many temporary relationships, Rajinikanth has quietly setup a family life and established a healthy position in the society. He is deeply religious (and so has impressed the "ladies" and family crowds) and unlike kamal not a ruthless person ( he would be willing to let go of smaller gains for a larger spiritual gain).
As a person he is anything but articulate. He has no personal views and rarely, if ever, makes a profound statement. He is as superficial as it gets as far as movies are concerned. Often his movies have no plot, nothing of substance to offer. His dialogues are colloquial and simple. Unlike Kamalahassan who was a child artist, and worked his way up as a choreographer, side actor, assistant director, actor, director.
Rajinikanth moved from being a bus conductor straight to an actor. Rajinikanth is the lottery ticket everybody wants to win. He literally hit the jackpot and has cultivated it admirably. Rajinikanth has several things going for him. He has a lovable persona, and is easily darling of the masses ( at least 3 times as popular as Kamal is).
His style thing (the way he tosses and catches a ciggarette with his mouth) certainly sets him apart and is quite catchy. So catchy that the Japanese love him like anything and call him the Dancing Maharajah. While only a small cross section of the society has the intelligence to grasp Kamal, Rajini's messages are simple and can be understood by the common illitrate man. His plot lines are usually humorous and very entertaining.
His movies are usually the perfect entertainers where you can just go have fun and come back. His main claim to fame was to make the common man identify with him. While for kamalahasaan the story comes first, Rajinikanth stories are usually tailor made to support his role as a average joe who falls in the middle-lower economic class category.
"Udal mannukku Uyir Talaivarukku"
Friday, July 20, 2007
Lady Drivers in India
So after years of closely observing women on the road and their driving habits, I got into a technical discussion with my friends. Their inferences were remarkably profound and staggering. Take this illustration for instance.
Observe the sample female( ranging from over sized aunties who resemble tough school teachers to scared puny little ones who are afraid of lizards and roaches) on the road travelling at lightning speed of 21 Kms/hr.
Our sample female drives bang at the center of the road on a Luna like vehicle or something equally obnoxious that has less than 20 cc capability. The other 500-2500 cc (okay! my thesis needn't be factually accurate) vehicles that we men drive are competing behind to overtake this vehicle. But hell no! the women has padded herself up (er..) with knee pads gloves, terrorist mask outfits. Research confirms that she wants to prevent, apart from damage to nail polish and face make-up, any injury (the likes of which Ayrton Senna incurred) in case she falls down while travelling at this blinding speed.
Arjun ( name changed to provide secrecy) has recently bought a new Ford Ikon and he wants to let rip the vehicle in the amazingly congested Beach Road. But this damn chick on the Luna like space vehicle is blocking the narrow road. She is travelling at 20 kms and the Ford falling behind it hasn't even got an erection at this speed!
The female sticks to center of the road and uses all her concentration powers to mask off any honking that comes from behind. The auto drivers are also suprisingly frustrated, they even try and jump over her head much like KIT from Knight Rider. But no dice! Arjun's efforts to move to 90 kms/hr will have to wait until this space alien with masks gets off the road.
Arjun's choiciest expletives to the female just bounces on her and falls down. She is focusing on controlling her space ship as it is travelling at such at breakneck speed and in her perception meteorites are raining on her in the horizontal plane. In her world 2 generations of Skywalkers are being put to shame.
The next interesting observation is that the moment some obstacle, which could be anywhere between 100-300 kms away catches our sample female's eye, her speed drops below 10 kms/hour. Now thats a significant change in the speed of her spaceship causing the landing wheels to unwrap.
The female's legs come off the vehicle and is now freely suspended in air much like the wheels of the planes that come out before landing. Now as long as she is travelling between 0-9.99 km/hr the legs remain suspended outside the vehicle. The purpose of such a move is to keep the vehicle's motion balanced and regulate wind -turbulence to keep the vehicle in forward motion (they dont trust in vehicle motors..these females).
Once the roads in the front of the vehicle is clear (which means there is nobody in sight for the next 200 kms) the vehicle slowly increases speed to 20.1 kms/hr the legs roll back into the vehicle again the way the wheels retract into the plane after take-off.
When and how these females gain the imagination that they can master a four wheeler is unfathomable. Still recall fondly an incident when two girls on a car ramed through a pedestrian ( who was on a pavement - one of very few left intact by chennai corporation) and proceeded to impale him on to a electric sub station - apparently they mistook the accelerator for the brake. In another instance fortune smiled on a guy on a mobike when the lady in a maruti 800 was scared that he came too close ( in front - I thought you are supposed to drive that way) and took her hands off the wheel and closed her eyes - as though the guy was some baddy from a tamil movie and she could just wish him away....
This amazing observation now forms the next chapter of my thesis. I never understood how females get a licence to drive. Maybe there is someone like me in the RTO office who gifts licence to women for no apparent reason, when evidence in hand begs for the contrary. In my opinion( aggressively agreed upon by my friends) 90% of the females on the road dont deserve a licence.
If by any misfortunate circumstance you are involved in an accident with them - god save you. Every RSR ( road side romeo) will take her side ( include the cop)
The objective of this thesis is - if you see a girl on the road make yourself scarce. Just flee man, forget your appointment - take another route...
Observe the sample female( ranging from over sized aunties who resemble tough school teachers to scared puny little ones who are afraid of lizards and roaches) on the road travelling at lightning speed of 21 Kms/hr.
Our sample female drives bang at the center of the road on a Luna like vehicle or something equally obnoxious that has less than 20 cc capability. The other 500-2500 cc (okay! my thesis needn't be factually accurate) vehicles that we men drive are competing behind to overtake this vehicle. But hell no! the women has padded herself up (er..) with knee pads gloves, terrorist mask outfits. Research confirms that she wants to prevent, apart from damage to nail polish and face make-up, any injury (the likes of which Ayrton Senna incurred) in case she falls down while travelling at this blinding speed.
Arjun ( name changed to provide secrecy) has recently bought a new Ford Ikon and he wants to let rip the vehicle in the amazingly congested Beach Road. But this damn chick on the Luna like space vehicle is blocking the narrow road. She is travelling at 20 kms and the Ford falling behind it hasn't even got an erection at this speed!
The female sticks to center of the road and uses all her concentration powers to mask off any honking that comes from behind. The auto drivers are also suprisingly frustrated, they even try and jump over her head much like KIT from Knight Rider. But no dice! Arjun's efforts to move to 90 kms/hr will have to wait until this space alien with masks gets off the road.
Arjun's choiciest expletives to the female just bounces on her and falls down. She is focusing on controlling her space ship as it is travelling at such at breakneck speed and in her perception meteorites are raining on her in the horizontal plane. In her world 2 generations of Skywalkers are being put to shame.
The next interesting observation is that the moment some obstacle, which could be anywhere between 100-300 kms away catches our sample female's eye, her speed drops below 10 kms/hour. Now thats a significant change in the speed of her spaceship causing the landing wheels to unwrap.
The female's legs come off the vehicle and is now freely suspended in air much like the wheels of the planes that come out before landing. Now as long as she is travelling between 0-9.99 km/hr the legs remain suspended outside the vehicle. The purpose of such a move is to keep the vehicle's motion balanced and regulate wind -turbulence to keep the vehicle in forward motion (they dont trust in vehicle motors..these females).
Once the roads in the front of the vehicle is clear (which means there is nobody in sight for the next 200 kms) the vehicle slowly increases speed to 20.1 kms/hr the legs roll back into the vehicle again the way the wheels retract into the plane after take-off.
When and how these females gain the imagination that they can master a four wheeler is unfathomable. Still recall fondly an incident when two girls on a car ramed through a pedestrian ( who was on a pavement - one of very few left intact by chennai corporation) and proceeded to impale him on to a electric sub station - apparently they mistook the accelerator for the brake. In another instance fortune smiled on a guy on a mobike when the lady in a maruti 800 was scared that he came too close ( in front - I thought you are supposed to drive that way) and took her hands off the wheel and closed her eyes - as though the guy was some baddy from a tamil movie and she could just wish him away....
This amazing observation now forms the next chapter of my thesis. I never understood how females get a licence to drive. Maybe there is someone like me in the RTO office who gifts licence to women for no apparent reason, when evidence in hand begs for the contrary. In my opinion( aggressively agreed upon by my friends) 90% of the females on the road dont deserve a licence.
If by any misfortunate circumstance you are involved in an accident with them - god save you. Every RSR ( road side romeo) will take her side ( include the cop)
The objective of this thesis is - if you see a girl on the road make yourself scarce. Just flee man, forget your appointment - take another route...
Lessons From Tamil Movies
1. Every villian will have a palatial house. The house should have a wooden staircase inside the house.
2. Atleast one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. Hospitals don't know how to safely keep twins - they will always be misplaced.
3. The first job a hero gets is pulling carts and lifting rice sacks. If the hero is shown working in his young age - he will wash glasses in a eatery. His mother will wash utensils in a rich home.
4. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
5. If the hero has a sister she will be raped. If he has a loving father or mother they will be killed.Honest and hard working policemen if related to the hero will be killed half way into the movie.
6. The bad guys die instantly when shot,the good guys/gals get 5 min to finish their dialogue - get promises for their lost wishes, join lovers etc etc
7. The hero can bleed only from the corner of his lips irrespective of where he is hit. All other good characters will be hit on the head and the hospital will bandage it with the blood showing. They will also be put on a ventilator and given blood transfusion.
8. If you are the hero or heroine and become a policeman or IAS / collector etc - your first posting will be in your hometown.
9. If you are the hero and start a business, just sing a song, by the time the song is over you will become a millioner.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her
11. The hero will always use a red public telephone booth to make calls ( have you ever seen one in india?)
12. The hero or villian will just come out of the airport - but will have a whole assortment of arms incl a revolver, a knife on his person.
Whatever happened to airline security..
13. No bullet can hit the hero - unless aimed at the arm or leg. He can dodge 10 AK47 blazing away by a simple somersault.
14. If you are the hero the villain instead of gunning you down, will use complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow the hero at least 20 minutes to escape.
15. Any grenades thrown at the hero will hit the vehicle next to it or land in a pit of red sand and blow up. However the hero can even backhand or deflect a grenade perfect to it target.
16. All villans will chase the hero in sumo trucks. The first one will carry the villian and all other trucks will blow straight up into the sky.
17. Other villains will chase the hero in Royal Enfield Bullets. Two of these bullets will be launched straight throw a pile of hay or into a river. A car will careen off a bullock cart and fall/slide on it top in a busy road.
18. The hero will know how handle any vehicle ( aero plane/helicopter incl) even though as per the story line he is a village bumpkin.
19. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -- even while underwater.
20. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
21. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
22. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long. Similar carts loaded with fruits/vegetales/bangles. Tea shops with brass boilers and drums have a propensity to attract flying Karate style kicks.
23. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
24. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.
26. Herioines should wear white sarees while dancing and it should rain atleast for half the song.
27. All characters - politicians/army men/police even in Kashmir can speak and understand tamil.
Dont Beleive me ? - watch any tamil movie and you will know !!!!!!
Good People add in your comments to this list too !!!!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Driving In India
This is an old one but still good....guys, you need to watch this video to truly understand the indian spirit (hope the Link still works !!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjrEQaG5jPM
its truly hilarious
I met a lady in bangkok who was recently back from a trip to india and she said to drive in india you need three things
Good Horn
Good Brakes
and
Good Luck
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best and leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess.
Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.
Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts) or just to mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rain waters to recede when over-ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Genghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver and the peg of illicit arrack he has had at the last stop; his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India and are licensed to kill.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads.
During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are a greater threat.) Only, you will often observe that the cleaner that sits next to the driver will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an expression of physical relief on a hot day.
Occasionally you might see what looks like an UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrim buses go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Unique to Indian traffic:
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi) - Also called the TUK-TUK in Bangkok
The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare.
After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds
The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes
Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem (hell). There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
often on high ways, these bus drivers challenge themselves to drag races and by some quirk of fate if you end up on the opposite side - say your prayers. for quite often they draw inspiration from the tons of religious dramas - ala ramaanand saagar ramayan or mahabarat - like one arrow splitting into a shower - one bus splits into two then three four till they have occupied every ounce of available space on the road and even the embankment......
One-way Street
These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.
Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left un-tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
Most highways have environment friendly crash bars - ie trees, they even have targets marked ( numbering) for the lorry guy to nail when he wants to get high...
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am - when the police have gone home. The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.
Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries ? someone said driving in India is a spiritual experiance ( gets you closer to the almighty) - i would say its more cerebral...trust your instincts, Godspeed - lest he gets hit on the road.
its truly hilarious
I met a lady in bangkok who was recently back from a trip to india and she said to drive in india you need three things
Good Horn
Good Brakes
and
Good Luck
Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best and leave the results to your insurance company.
The hints are as follows:
Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess.
Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.
Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself. Except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.
Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.
Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts) or just to mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar.
Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rain waters to recede when over-ground traffic meets underground drainage.
Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Genghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver and the peg of illicit arrack he has had at the last stop; his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India and are licensed to kill.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads.
During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are a greater threat.) Only, you will often observe that the cleaner that sits next to the driver will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an expression of physical relief on a hot day.
Occasionally you might see what looks like an UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrim buses go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.
Unique to Indian traffic:
Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi) - Also called the TUK-TUK in Bangkok
The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare.
After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur and are licensed to irritate.
Mopeds
The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.
Leaning Tower of Passes
Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem (hell). There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.
often on high ways, these bus drivers challenge themselves to drag races and by some quirk of fate if you end up on the opposite side - say your prayers. for quite often they draw inspiration from the tons of religious dramas - ala ramaanand saagar ramayan or mahabarat - like one arrow splitting into a shower - one bus splits into two then three four till they have occupied every ounce of available space on the road and even the embankment......
One-way Street
These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.
Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.
Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left un-tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.
Most highways have environment friendly crash bars - ie trees, they even have targets marked ( numbering) for the lorry guy to nail when he wants to get high...
If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am - when the police have gone home. The citizen is then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.
Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries ? someone said driving in India is a spiritual experiance ( gets you closer to the almighty) - i would say its more cerebral...trust your instincts, Godspeed - lest he gets hit on the road.
What is a Blouse Piece
In India, a blouse is a cloth thats worn inside a saree. It is supposed to cover the chest and some part of the shoulders and arms ( apparently the only way fashion designers can introduce any sort of fashion in this thing called saree is by setting arbitrarily varying lengths for the blouse in the arm region and introduce doors, windows plus some peep holes on the back and arms - thankfully!!). Of late northern influences in design elements have been found ( gagro choli) with their array of beads, sea shells ( yes the same pallanguzhi sozhi), mirrors and an entire range of amateur scout knots....Its a very important accesorry and fashion statement and chief ministers have election manifestos covering them. Stupid Serials are sold with TRA ratings going up with people speculating on the blouses worn by the comperers....
A blouse piece is a raw piece of cloth that is unstitched. Women take this piece of cloth and stich it to their respective sizes.
Buying a matching blouse piece?
Its eve's curse on man - final stone to break your back - after going through the naraga vedhanai of assiting your better half in buying a saree - if you have the misfortune of ending up on the southern Side of Panagal Park/Usman Road/Durai Sami road Junction - to the uninitated it will quite a site - do not be misled - its not the chief minister distributing flood relief - but people actually queing up to get inside saree and GOLD shops. GOlD man - the metal - get inside thanga malaigai after doing all possible asanas in finding a parking space, having to control your better half from zeroing on like a bee to a flowerbed - to get the attention of the sales guy - who looks and feels like he is the guy distributing puliyodarai prasadam at kabali koil - and you with utmost devotion seek his benevolent help in find the most audacious looking ornament ( god knows how one kammal or changili SUITS you better) - you have done all that and almost killed the sare shop attendant ( he would give good competition to paramatma ( aka NTR) in the vastra haranam scene - by being able to supply an endless stream of Ramar kalar, Kaapi kalar - mayil kalar -double border, single border - same border, attached border - and if by any further misfortune its not an attached border - you now have to go through this entire order ( like getting caught near the top in a snakes mouth in paramapadam - go down to the blouse shop).
Here the guy throws another deluge of cloth ( similar to the more color button on your paintshop pallette) - the worst thing is that no matter how many permutation combinations you work on - chances are that the first three shops will not have th exact same shade ( yet its no longer color -its shade - means you need to analyse the cloth under shop light and then go out into sun light). Finally if you are lucky and god thinks you have sufferred enough for the day, you better half sulks herself into settling with something that is somewhat matching -man you have lived to fight another day...
So What IS the deal with the Blouse piece?
Now in India we have something called "Ladies Sentiments" ( All plural even if it just refers to 1 lady and 1 sentiment). When women in India visit houses of other women, a blouse piece is given as a gift to the guest before she leaves. I have no idea why of all things it was decided that a blouse piece would be gifted to visiting guests. Lets say, there is a lady who is a complete stranger to the whole "Ladies Sentiments" thing and she visits someone's house in south India. How would she feel when the host gifts her and she opens the gift and find that its a blouse piece. What would she think? "Why this gift? Is there something wrong with the blouse I am wearing? Was it so bad that the host shuddered on looking my blouse and decided to jump out of the window buy a blouse piece and come and gift it to me?. Is the host being judgemental on me?"
What happens to these blouse pieces after they are gifted?
Now many caterpillars become butterflies, many boys become men. But the mutation of the blouse piece into an actual blouse is not that straightforward. The probability of a blouse piece becoming a blouse is 0.2. Thats right!! 2 out of every 10 blousepieces make it to the blouse level.
Think about Euros, Dollars, Rupees, Yen. Think about the CNBC advertisements where they show currency getting fastly printed and counted, people exchanging money rapidly in world business centers. You may not have heard of a currency called the blouse piece. This is the curency of south India. Statistics reveal that every minute of the day, 10 blouse pieces change hands. Women all over the world are travelling and exchanging blouse pieces rapidly.
When a blouse piece is receved as a gift, a lady decides what she has to do with it? If its of a color and material that she lacks at that moment, she will convert the blouse piece to an actual blouse (provided there are no further hitches in going and stitching it with a tailor).
But this conversion is very rare considering that fact that she has around 500 blouse pieces stocked in her cup board. This is the reason why the blouse piece remains a blouse piece for a long time. The life cycle of many blouse pieces are codemned. They stagnate as gift items for over 5 to 6 years until they are gifted to poor people or domestic maids. There again their chances of continuing as gifts are still bright.
This very moment thousands and thousands of blouse pieces are gifted and regifted. When time comes to a standstill and the yellow sun becomes a red dwarf star ( I think there is no supernova in this solar system and I debated for 5 seconds on whether our sun will becomes red dwarf or white dwarf), when all human beings have become extinct like dinosaurs and a new species begins to inhabit the earth. They will find thousands and thousands of unstitched blouse pieces lying around in the southern parts of the Indian subcontinent. Imagine what would they make of it.
If we judged dinosours based on fossils we found, what sort of judgement would they pass on human beings?
Just a Box
Moving to and working from a new office is kind of fun. So I was given a laptop ( a cute one), notebook ( the real one with paper and stuff), a pen, a pencil, a sharpner and an eraser as part of my startup kit. Looking at so many school-like items I began to think.... "Pencil Box". Then I began to think "when was the last time I had a pencil box". Never is what my friends would say if you asked them.
Never is what they would say if you asked them when was the last time I owned a pen, a pencil or an eraser. Nobody brings Pencil Boxes to work.
You are considered to be a nerd if you brought along a pencil box to work. I don't think people bought one of those things to college either.
A loser ( if you are a boy - girls bring pencil boxes)is what you could be called, if you brought one to college when it wasn't examination season (But I would never call such people a nerd or a loser because I am indebted to them . So I guess high school was the last time one was expected to roam around with a pencil box.
In 1983-1985 - Remember the box that was released after we won the 1983 World Cup. The one with Kapil Dev holding the trophy aloft. Later, there was one with Gavaskar holding the Champions trophy aloft. The most famous Pencil box I have seen is the dark red one with black stripes - that goes by the brand name called "Natraj". It had a painting of Nataraja on the box. Buying a new geometry box was the only known form of pleasure to many primary-secondary school kids ( 2 years before I saw a middle-aged man carefuly inspecting a Pencil Box in Landmark in such a style that made me wonder, if it still is -- to some grown ups too).
And then India started opening up her doors to imports - and you had the imported two side pencil boxes ( that time it didn't matter that they came in girly pinks and baby blues) - the magnetic locks were an instant hit - especially if you could quitely slip back into class during PT class and take your worst enemy's box and break it up so as to get access to the magnets. And then there were the really RICH kids who had their dads bringing them the james bond style ones - where you press a button and loo - out comes a small holder for the pencil from the back etc etc.
Well lets come back to the topic of the Geometry Box - I have to admit it was exciting then to buy a new geometry box. Ofcourse I'd loose all the contents in, lets say, about a week. Then I'd go and pick a fight with anybody who I suspected, had stolen my stuff. There are ways to mark your pencil box items as yours. People sometimes wrote their intials on the back of their sharpner/eraser. But given that at any point in time, any school had 12 murugan's, 27 senthils , 72 Anands, 98 Subramanians (including the History teacher and Headmaster) and about
273 Srinivasan's (including the Principal and definetly including the Math teacher as all Math teachers as per Education Act of 1951 had to be named or renamed as Srinivasan) - it became very difficult to claim ownership of a sharpner with just a name on it. A stamped affidavit, duly notarized and finger printed was what was in order.
I also strongly believe that the Pencil Box is a mirror of a person's pysche. I have observed many girls, who seem to protect their pencil box(es) with fierce territorial intensity. They seem to have a peculiar habit of arranging their pens and pencils in such a way that all the nibs and sharpened ends face the same side. I say peculiar only because these pencils and pens would still continue to function and perform their duties if they were arranged differently.
However, these ladies were (and presume still are) not in agreement with me on the topic of arrangement Vs actual functionality. They, for some reason, get agitated if you try and change that order.
From these observations, I think a pencil box can be associated with certain psycological patterns that are present in the deep dark recesses of the human mind. Their Pencil Boxes, were neatly organized with 2 erasers ( the second one was for the express purpose of loaning it to me), a sharpner, a set square, a scale, 3 pencils (ditto), and 2 pens ( ditto). - from ' mam , I forgot to bring my pencil - followed by the ritual pinching of the ear and being kicked out of class" we slowly graduated to "machi or hello! forgot my pen.. please gimme one.. " that I let out almost every other class. They of course had clear counts on the number of pens they had loaned to me, including counts on the pens I had not returned.
We now proceed to meticulously investigate the contents of the geometry box. The geometry box came with a particular pattern and arrangement.
There were plastic partitions inside the box, like rooms in a house. One room would house the eraser. The sharpner sometimes also went into a separate room. I suppose both were moody enough to warrant privacy. The pencil, compass and the divider would roam around the box freely ( which is why you get this dodack dodack sound when children with school bags run. It is the sound of the pencil, compass and the divider madly knocking the walls of the box, demanding to be let out). Below these three items were the scale, a protractor ( dunno what the hell this name means) and two other pieces which call themselves the SetSquare.
Let me digress to a whole new topic for a moment. Whats the deal with these two things called set squares? What purpose do they serve? I swear!! in all my years in school geometry, I have never used them. Not even in exams. Come to think of it -- what does the divider do ? I have to say in the house of a pencil box -- the pencil, sharpner, eraser, scale are the real bread winners. The others are, as the popular phrase to refer to unemployed youths go, "thandasoru" ( na-laayak in hindi).
Some people say that, they have seen these set squares been used for drawing parallel lines. Bull Shit! I say, A scale ( and some times even a protractor) can be used by us warriors to draw a parallel line. We don't need no setSquare. Nobody has seen a divider been used for anything other than tying a rubberband inbetween and use it as a sling or to drill a hole into your new lubber and disfigure it so that it claims to resemble the famous discuss of lord krishna. The 2 setsquares and the divider are two of the biggest scams in the geometry box industry. Since the manufacturers of the geometry box were illiterate, the makers of plastic who produced the scales and the protractor, cheated them, and passed along two other vague set of plastic instruments and an iron thing into the geometry box. The ignorant students, when they first saw a geometry box in 4th grade, they waited and waited. Hoping that someday when they grew big enough, they would get to use these three things. Maybe they thought using them was gaining some sort of an adulthood. That day , I am sorry to break it you, ladies and gentlemen, never came.
Some of the readers are in the US - for your sake - I need to be carefull to say "eraser" instead of "rubber" for obvious reason. More so for my wider audience - this is an ephiphany ( the other one being "five into four" means nothing in Uncle sam's land and you have to say " five times four" if you wanna say it at all).
The eraser aka lubber has underwent more incarnations that the 10 avatars of vishnu. Believe the makers of the simple eraser wanted to compete with micro soft in more upgrades and versions - They can't believe it can only be used for erasing stuff. So the eraser manufacturers made the erasers smell good - out came the scent lubber.
The children tried to write stuff on it, bite it and even tried to eat it. Sometimes they poked the eraser with the compass and the pencil.
Right this moment, children are still probing ( or is it groping? ) the eraser trying find some untapped potential. The manufacturers, just to make things more exciting, went a step ahead and started sending half-dressed erasers into the house of the geometry box. So that, later, the children could strip them naked. yeah! Then there were imported erasers -- "Staedlers" ( or something that spelt like it). They were big and strong. They came in tough wrappers and did not undress that easily.
They were big but too soft to cut and make stencils - to be used exclusively on holi day on white shirts with blue ink ( doesn't matter that the effort left both parties equally drenched in the viscous liquid). Somehow the makers of the eraser have kept the aura of the eraser alive. But for the adults at Govt offices - they had to belive still have to live with the typewriter eraser - a weird invention in the form of a blue wheel with a plastic core - think the manufacturers wanted to save them the embarassment of having to make holes into the centre to make them go round and round like kids and instead gave them this plastic core.
Talking on the subject of the box - we need to talk of Ink pens - who can forget the classic BRIL ink pot with its foul smelling ink - whoever gave our teachers the idea that writing with Ball pens did damage to your handwriting and more so ink pens were needed in some convoluted arrangement to help with our hand eye co ordination. The pen manufactures also conspired in making pens whose nibs would never be able to stand of weak of wirting ( punshiment, pinching, pulling and poking included) - the cheap imitations pens with the fake cross logo on the cap were out first primitive implements ( well it would become a longer post if we discuss the chalk, balapom, color chalk etc etc) - slowly these gave way to pilot pens ( I think - the ones with only a few cms of nibs showing - like a marwadhi dulhan ) - they were a welcome innovation - first of all they came with a strange looking contraption with a lubber ( no laughing) ink catridge with a metal intake system - first flaw of the ink pen rectified - no leaks and no need to open the open ( leaving tell tale marks on the thumb and four fingers) to fill ink. Plus they did away with the same drab color comibination giving into to gold caps. They came in dark green, back and blue colors and were a sight to behold - a proud prossession to be exhibited in the centre of the class with all of us droolling over it...and then finally better sense prevailed and we were giving ball pens -reynolds - cheap but excellent pens - white body with color tops - and there was competition from the red leaf pens as well - the sleek transparent bodies with cute red, black or green tops.
The box seems to exude an exotic feeling of mystique and magic that till date keeps tempting children to explore the eraser until the end of time...
Never is what they would say if you asked them when was the last time I owned a pen, a pencil or an eraser. Nobody brings Pencil Boxes to work.
You are considered to be a nerd if you brought along a pencil box to work. I don't think people bought one of those things to college either.
A loser ( if you are a boy - girls bring pencil boxes)is what you could be called, if you brought one to college when it wasn't examination season (But I would never call such people a nerd or a loser because I am indebted to them . So I guess high school was the last time one was expected to roam around with a pencil box.
In 1983-1985 - Remember the box that was released after we won the 1983 World Cup. The one with Kapil Dev holding the trophy aloft. Later, there was one with Gavaskar holding the Champions trophy aloft. The most famous Pencil box I have seen is the dark red one with black stripes - that goes by the brand name called "Natraj". It had a painting of Nataraja on the box. Buying a new geometry box was the only known form of pleasure to many primary-secondary school kids ( 2 years before I saw a middle-aged man carefuly inspecting a Pencil Box in Landmark in such a style that made me wonder, if it still is -- to some grown ups too).
And then India started opening up her doors to imports - and you had the imported two side pencil boxes ( that time it didn't matter that they came in girly pinks and baby blues) - the magnetic locks were an instant hit - especially if you could quitely slip back into class during PT class and take your worst enemy's box and break it up so as to get access to the magnets. And then there were the really RICH kids who had their dads bringing them the james bond style ones - where you press a button and loo - out comes a small holder for the pencil from the back etc etc.
Well lets come back to the topic of the Geometry Box - I have to admit it was exciting then to buy a new geometry box. Ofcourse I'd loose all the contents in, lets say, about a week. Then I'd go and pick a fight with anybody who I suspected, had stolen my stuff. There are ways to mark your pencil box items as yours. People sometimes wrote their intials on the back of their sharpner/eraser. But given that at any point in time, any school had 12 murugan's, 27 senthils , 72 Anands, 98 Subramanians (including the History teacher and Headmaster) and about
273 Srinivasan's (including the Principal and definetly including the Math teacher as all Math teachers as per Education Act of 1951 had to be named or renamed as Srinivasan) - it became very difficult to claim ownership of a sharpner with just a name on it. A stamped affidavit, duly notarized and finger printed was what was in order.
I also strongly believe that the Pencil Box is a mirror of a person's pysche. I have observed many girls, who seem to protect their pencil box(es) with fierce territorial intensity. They seem to have a peculiar habit of arranging their pens and pencils in such a way that all the nibs and sharpened ends face the same side. I say peculiar only because these pencils and pens would still continue to function and perform their duties if they were arranged differently.
However, these ladies were (and presume still are) not in agreement with me on the topic of arrangement Vs actual functionality. They, for some reason, get agitated if you try and change that order.
From these observations, I think a pencil box can be associated with certain psycological patterns that are present in the deep dark recesses of the human mind. Their Pencil Boxes, were neatly organized with 2 erasers ( the second one was for the express purpose of loaning it to me), a sharpner, a set square, a scale, 3 pencils (ditto), and 2 pens ( ditto). - from ' mam , I forgot to bring my pencil - followed by the ritual pinching of the ear and being kicked out of class" we slowly graduated to "machi or hello! forgot my pen.. please gimme one.. " that I let out almost every other class. They of course had clear counts on the number of pens they had loaned to me, including counts on the pens I had not returned.
We now proceed to meticulously investigate the contents of the geometry box. The geometry box came with a particular pattern and arrangement.
There were plastic partitions inside the box, like rooms in a house. One room would house the eraser. The sharpner sometimes also went into a separate room. I suppose both were moody enough to warrant privacy. The pencil, compass and the divider would roam around the box freely ( which is why you get this dodack dodack sound when children with school bags run. It is the sound of the pencil, compass and the divider madly knocking the walls of the box, demanding to be let out). Below these three items were the scale, a protractor ( dunno what the hell this name means) and two other pieces which call themselves the SetSquare.
Let me digress to a whole new topic for a moment. Whats the deal with these two things called set squares? What purpose do they serve? I swear!! in all my years in school geometry, I have never used them. Not even in exams. Come to think of it -- what does the divider do ? I have to say in the house of a pencil box -- the pencil, sharpner, eraser, scale are the real bread winners. The others are, as the popular phrase to refer to unemployed youths go, "thandasoru" ( na-laayak in hindi).
Some people say that, they have seen these set squares been used for drawing parallel lines. Bull Shit! I say, A scale ( and some times even a protractor) can be used by us warriors to draw a parallel line. We don't need no setSquare. Nobody has seen a divider been used for anything other than tying a rubberband inbetween and use it as a sling or to drill a hole into your new lubber and disfigure it so that it claims to resemble the famous discuss of lord krishna. The 2 setsquares and the divider are two of the biggest scams in the geometry box industry. Since the manufacturers of the geometry box were illiterate, the makers of plastic who produced the scales and the protractor, cheated them, and passed along two other vague set of plastic instruments and an iron thing into the geometry box. The ignorant students, when they first saw a geometry box in 4th grade, they waited and waited. Hoping that someday when they grew big enough, they would get to use these three things. Maybe they thought using them was gaining some sort of an adulthood. That day , I am sorry to break it you, ladies and gentlemen, never came.
Some of the readers are in the US - for your sake - I need to be carefull to say "eraser" instead of "rubber" for obvious reason. More so for my wider audience - this is an ephiphany ( the other one being "five into four" means nothing in Uncle sam's land and you have to say " five times four" if you wanna say it at all).
The eraser aka lubber has underwent more incarnations that the 10 avatars of vishnu. Believe the makers of the simple eraser wanted to compete with micro soft in more upgrades and versions - They can't believe it can only be used for erasing stuff. So the eraser manufacturers made the erasers smell good - out came the scent lubber.
The children tried to write stuff on it, bite it and even tried to eat it. Sometimes they poked the eraser with the compass and the pencil.
Right this moment, children are still probing ( or is it groping? ) the eraser trying find some untapped potential. The manufacturers, just to make things more exciting, went a step ahead and started sending half-dressed erasers into the house of the geometry box. So that, later, the children could strip them naked. yeah! Then there were imported erasers -- "Staedlers" ( or something that spelt like it). They were big and strong. They came in tough wrappers and did not undress that easily.
They were big but too soft to cut and make stencils - to be used exclusively on holi day on white shirts with blue ink ( doesn't matter that the effort left both parties equally drenched in the viscous liquid). Somehow the makers of the eraser have kept the aura of the eraser alive. But for the adults at Govt offices - they had to belive still have to live with the typewriter eraser - a weird invention in the form of a blue wheel with a plastic core - think the manufacturers wanted to save them the embarassment of having to make holes into the centre to make them go round and round like kids and instead gave them this plastic core.
Talking on the subject of the box - we need to talk of Ink pens - who can forget the classic BRIL ink pot with its foul smelling ink - whoever gave our teachers the idea that writing with Ball pens did damage to your handwriting and more so ink pens were needed in some convoluted arrangement to help with our hand eye co ordination. The pen manufactures also conspired in making pens whose nibs would never be able to stand of weak of wirting ( punshiment, pinching, pulling and poking included) - the cheap imitations pens with the fake cross logo on the cap were out first primitive implements ( well it would become a longer post if we discuss the chalk, balapom, color chalk etc etc) - slowly these gave way to pilot pens ( I think - the ones with only a few cms of nibs showing - like a marwadhi dulhan ) - they were a welcome innovation - first of all they came with a strange looking contraption with a lubber ( no laughing) ink catridge with a metal intake system - first flaw of the ink pen rectified - no leaks and no need to open the open ( leaving tell tale marks on the thumb and four fingers) to fill ink. Plus they did away with the same drab color comibination giving into to gold caps. They came in dark green, back and blue colors and were a sight to behold - a proud prossession to be exhibited in the centre of the class with all of us droolling over it...and then finally better sense prevailed and we were giving ball pens -reynolds - cheap but excellent pens - white body with color tops - and there was competition from the red leaf pens as well - the sleek transparent bodies with cute red, black or green tops.
The box seems to exude an exotic feeling of mystique and magic that till date keeps tempting children to explore the eraser until the end of time...
Monday, July 9, 2007
Nadar Kadai - Local Grocer Shop
In these days of Hyper-Super Malls and Supermarkets, overwhelmed at the sheer size and varieties, a feeling of Nostalgia triggered this post.
Those were the days, the nadar kadai had a special location requirement - like Muchandhi pillayar, the Indian God of Prosperity whos mini-sized temple are found almost always at a 3 road junction - The nadar kadai's had to be at a road junction - almost every locality, every little Borough and Lane and Pin-code in Chennai had a Nadar Kadai - they typically are general provisions merchant. Almost always run by a Nadar who are a enterprising group of people typically from the state of Thirunelveli in Southern Tamilnadu and they formed an important role in Effective Management Practices well before Business Schools started teaching the MBA, continue reading to know know how and please pay special attention to the letters marked in ALL CAPITAL letters.
Those were the days when The typical Nadar kadai will be dark, cramped, and smelly. It will be painted a drab Govinda (yellow) color - remanents of a badly done paint job from the previous century - flakes of this paint will always be peeling off - lit by a single fly specked 40 watts electric Bulb - carry rickety old name boards ( made out of flattened recycled Edible Oil Tin Cans.. I think) invariably named as Murugan Stores, Amman Stores, Jyothi Stores, some Lakshmi Stores etc.
PERSONNEL
It will have, in its employ, three muscular young men, collectively called "Payya", wearing a very checked lungi and yellowish (bordering on brown) arms banian (soaked in sweat). It will almost always have a few gunny sacks in the entrance, each filled rice, tamarind and kal Uppu (rock Salt).
INVENTORY MANAGEMENT
Also vying for space with these would be the stacks of crates for empty cool drink bottles. Oils were stacked on aluminium trays (so that when the oil cans leak they can be collected back, and probably poured back into the cans).
Inside, shelves are crammed with glass jars neatly stacked with all kinds of biscuits and 'cakes'. 'Cooling drinks' bottles, notebooks, pens, pencils, bangles, 'sticker pottus' and other merchandise.
A few paper mache stacks of eggs give company to covers of Plastic toys in striking pink, Yellow, Red and Green. Across the length and breadth of the shop, run grimy ropes from which hang ream after ream of sachets.
Sachets of chips, kodal ( the yellowish fries which you wear like rings on your fingers), Sunsilk and Velvette shampoos, touching touching ( lime pickles), Sugary candies, Chewing gum plus smaller packets of Cashewnut, Cardomom etc - so that a important guest can be hurriedly served payasam or kesari with garnishings.. Of late, this cramped interior also boasts individual refrigerators for Pepsi and Coke.
CONSUMER CREDIT
The Nadar has two kinds of customers - the regulars and the yet-to-be-converted. The regulars are identified by means of their bible they carry - the Account book. This tiny pink book bound with a dark blue binding - lists the purchases the customer has made, the amount he or she owes the store and her ledger number. A rudimentary system of credit, the account book allows a regular customer to buy now, pay later. Note the ever present ball point pen in its holder ( stuck behind the ear)
ORDER PROCESSING
The process of trade begins - our shoppers has his list ready and nadar in a voice that has been tempered by years of shouting to subordinates calls to his payyas - and as if by magic, hands retrive the various items from the dark corners, measure it on the tharasu ( weighing scale), and parcel it up in old newspapers (RECYCLING)- and out materialises the stuff neatly arranged in card board boxes. Nadar, does his calculations on a small piece of paper he has similar sized one side paper spiked on a sharpened gunny needle (FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT) - Once this is done,the amounts are posted into the account book is handed over, the owner makes her strange notations, throws in a few free bees (CUSTOMER ROYALTY PROGRAM) and off the shopper goes.
Its amazing that the above is applicable to all nadar shops - like they are an unofficial chain of retail shops following similar EFFECTIVE MANAGEMENT PRACTISE
Those were the days, the nadar kadai had a special location requirement - like Muchandhi pillayar, the Indian God of Prosperity whos mini-sized temple are found almost always at a 3 road junction - The nadar kadai's had to be at a road junction - almost every locality, every little Borough and Lane and Pin-code in Chennai had a Nadar Kadai - they typically are general provisions merchant. Almost always run by a Nadar who are a enterprising group of people typically from the state of Thirunelveli in Southern Tamilnadu and they formed an important role in Effective Management Practices well before Business Schools started teaching the MBA, continue reading to know know how and please pay special attention to the letters marked in ALL CAPITAL letters.
Those were the days when The typical Nadar kadai will be dark, cramped, and smelly. It will be painted a drab Govinda (yellow) color - remanents of a badly done paint job from the previous century - flakes of this paint will always be peeling off - lit by a single fly specked 40 watts electric Bulb - carry rickety old name boards ( made out of flattened recycled Edible Oil Tin Cans.. I think) invariably named as Murugan Stores, Amman Stores, Jyothi Stores, some Lakshmi Stores etc.
PERSONNEL
It will have, in its employ, three muscular young men, collectively called "Payya", wearing a very checked lungi and yellowish (bordering on brown) arms banian (soaked in sweat). It will almost always have a few gunny sacks in the entrance, each filled rice, tamarind and kal Uppu (rock Salt).
INVENTORY MANAGEMENT
Also vying for space with these would be the stacks of crates for empty cool drink bottles. Oils were stacked on aluminium trays (so that when the oil cans leak they can be collected back, and probably poured back into the cans).
Inside, shelves are crammed with glass jars neatly stacked with all kinds of biscuits and 'cakes'. 'Cooling drinks' bottles, notebooks, pens, pencils, bangles, 'sticker pottus' and other merchandise.
A few paper mache stacks of eggs give company to covers of Plastic toys in striking pink, Yellow, Red and Green. Across the length and breadth of the shop, run grimy ropes from which hang ream after ream of sachets.
Sachets of chips, kodal ( the yellowish fries which you wear like rings on your fingers), Sunsilk and Velvette shampoos, touching touching ( lime pickles), Sugary candies, Chewing gum plus smaller packets of Cashewnut, Cardomom etc - so that a important guest can be hurriedly served payasam or kesari with garnishings.. Of late, this cramped interior also boasts individual refrigerators for Pepsi and Coke.
CONSUMER CREDIT
The Nadar has two kinds of customers - the regulars and the yet-to-be-converted. The regulars are identified by means of their bible they carry - the Account book. This tiny pink book bound with a dark blue binding - lists the purchases the customer has made, the amount he or she owes the store and her ledger number. A rudimentary system of credit, the account book allows a regular customer to buy now, pay later. Note the ever present ball point pen in its holder ( stuck behind the ear)
ORDER PROCESSING
The process of trade begins - our shoppers has his list ready and nadar in a voice that has been tempered by years of shouting to subordinates calls to his payyas - and as if by magic, hands retrive the various items from the dark corners, measure it on the tharasu ( weighing scale), and parcel it up in old newspapers (RECYCLING)- and out materialises the stuff neatly arranged in card board boxes. Nadar, does his calculations on a small piece of paper he has similar sized one side paper spiked on a sharpened gunny needle (FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT) - Once this is done,the amounts are posted into the account book is handed over, the owner makes her strange notations, throws in a few free bees (CUSTOMER ROYALTY PROGRAM) and off the shopper goes.
Its amazing that the above is applicable to all nadar shops - like they are an unofficial chain of retail shops following similar EFFECTIVE MANAGEMENT PRACTISE
Kamarkat
I am a sucker for sweets. We always used to salivate at the thought of Dad coming back Home - with his goodie bag - especially the Swiss chocolates - the big bars with lots of nuts inside.....having grown up on Nutrine -the dark green toffee and then the Maha Lacto ( yellow wrapper) you could just not stop with one - the Swiss ones were like water to a desert rat.
Well now there are always the dairy milk fruit & nut, toblerone bars and ferro rocher......If you are already salivating - wait this blog is not about these but on its poorer desi cousin - caramellised jaggery and sugar and just a hint of coconut - Friends, South Indians and Country people, lend me your senses.
The Kamarkat (ka-mar-cut and NOT to be pronounced like meer-kat), to my mind, cannot be defined for someone who has not tried it. This along with elantha vadai,then ( honey) mittai, javvu mittai, Kodal ( precursor to your fry's) and everlasting raw manga uppu molaga podi....... Was the menu of many a school gateside takeaway those days. But this is for my fellow kamarkat lovers...
The professional ones that we got at the school shop were dark brown, wrapped in a transparent plastic paper so you could pick and choose the darkest,vilest brown turning to black. You could tell these were the tastiest and would last longest. And those were the days when you could produce a princely rupee and walk away with enough kamarkat to feed a kingdom.
I remember we had to time the purchase well. Because, the kamarkat would last a really long while and you simply could not get caught with a sweet in your mouth in class. So preparations would be to finish lunch in a jiffy, skip over to the shop shop and buy an armfull of kamarkat and run before the watchman/teacher caught you 'what-are-you-going-to-do-with-so-many-sweets-that-can-spoil-your-teeth- and- give-you-four-kinds-of-stomach-worms?!'. You don't want to be answering those kind of questions, do you?
Anyways, this is not so much about them, as it is about sinking your teeth into that gooey 'goli', and letting the slow effusion of sweet-yet-a-little-bitter jaggery take over. It kind of lets the juice out - gives you a high immediately - like as though u r on dope, sorry for the bad example, there is no perfect-er metaphor: it's like the kamarkat knows exactly when to release the juices, just like the stent lets out the drug to keep your artery unblocked!
The best treat was to be able to suck on it forever and a little more and then push around a few slivers of coconut in your mouth,when forever ended and so did the kamarkat. Ah! The pleasure of that!
But then, the kamarkat died. After a while, they simply stopped making it anymore. Which is when you tried to make do with the 'poornam' used to make the sweet kozhukattai, but no siree, we're just not there at all!
It's not as rock solid as the 'pro' ones we could buy off the push carts, 'Naadar kadais' or oddly, convent school TUCK shops.....but surprise surprise have found a variant of this in singapore - but the taste borders on kamarkat and alwa.....
Need to go to vyasarpadi to replenish the stock next time I am in india.....
Well now there are always the dairy milk fruit & nut, toblerone bars and ferro rocher......If you are already salivating - wait this blog is not about these but on its poorer desi cousin - caramellised jaggery and sugar and just a hint of coconut - Friends, South Indians and Country people, lend me your senses.
The Kamarkat (ka-mar-cut and NOT to be pronounced like meer-kat), to my mind, cannot be defined for someone who has not tried it. This along with elantha vadai,then ( honey) mittai, javvu mittai, Kodal ( precursor to your fry's) and everlasting raw manga uppu molaga podi....... Was the menu of many a school gateside takeaway those days. But this is for my fellow kamarkat lovers...
The professional ones that we got at the school shop were dark brown, wrapped in a transparent plastic paper so you could pick and choose the darkest,vilest brown turning to black. You could tell these were the tastiest and would last longest. And those were the days when you could produce a princely rupee and walk away with enough kamarkat to feed a kingdom.
I remember we had to time the purchase well. Because, the kamarkat would last a really long while and you simply could not get caught with a sweet in your mouth in class. So preparations would be to finish lunch in a jiffy, skip over to the shop shop and buy an armfull of kamarkat and run before the watchman/teacher caught you 'what-are-you-going-to-do-with-so-many-sweets-that-can-spoil-your-teeth- and- give-you-four-kinds-of-stomach-worms?!'. You don't want to be answering those kind of questions, do you?
Anyways, this is not so much about them, as it is about sinking your teeth into that gooey 'goli', and letting the slow effusion of sweet-yet-a-little-bitter jaggery take over. It kind of lets the juice out - gives you a high immediately - like as though u r on dope, sorry for the bad example, there is no perfect-er metaphor: it's like the kamarkat knows exactly when to release the juices, just like the stent lets out the drug to keep your artery unblocked!
The best treat was to be able to suck on it forever and a little more and then push around a few slivers of coconut in your mouth,when forever ended and so did the kamarkat. Ah! The pleasure of that!
But then, the kamarkat died. After a while, they simply stopped making it anymore. Which is when you tried to make do with the 'poornam' used to make the sweet kozhukattai, but no siree, we're just not there at all!
It's not as rock solid as the 'pro' ones we could buy off the push carts, 'Naadar kadais' or oddly, convent school TUCK shops.....but surprise surprise have found a variant of this in singapore - but the taste borders on kamarkat and alwa.....
Need to go to vyasarpadi to replenish the stock next time I am in india.....
Those were the Days
This is dedicated to the wonderful kids who were born in India and survived
First, we survived being born to mothers, some, whose husbands smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate whatever food was the put on table, and didn't get tested for diabetes. They were mothers who did not check their blood pressure every few minutes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs and bassinets were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints. We were put in prams and sent out with ayahs to meet other children with ayahs, whilst our parents were busy. We cried, were picked up and cuddled by the ayahs/akkas/auto vallah/petty shopkeeper and were quiet again.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking or going out on our own. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags. We sat on each other's laps for God's sake.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We would share a dosa, dip a chapatti into someone else's plate of curry without batting an eyelid. We ate jam sandwiches or pickle on bread and butter, raw mangoes with salt that set our teeth on edge, and drank orange squash with sugar and water in it. We ate at roadside stalls, drank water from tender coconuts, ate everything that was bad for us from mairu mittai to Bhel Puri to bhajias and samosas, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! There was never a child - not one single child - who was obese! We would leave home in the morning and play all day during the holidays, we were never ever bored, and we were allowed freedom all day as long as we were back when the streetlights came on, or when our parents told us to do so. No one was able to reach us all day by mobile phone or phone. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours making paper kites, building things out of scraps with old pram wheels or cycle rims, inventing our own games, playing traditional games called hide and ride old cycles and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem by digging our heals into the road ( hurt and cut like hell). We swam with an inflated tube which we got from somebody who was replacing their car tyres. We ran barefoot without thinking about it, if we got cut we used iodine on it which made us jump. We did not wash our hands ten times a day. And we were OK.
Our parents trusted us to go on picnics with everyone and anyone, a friend of a friend would be OK and we survived. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no I-Pods, no internet or internet chat rooms, no TV, full stop.
We did not have parents who said things like "What would you like for breakfast/lunch/dinner?" We ate what was put in front of us and best of all , there was never any leftovers.
We polished the lot. WE HAD FRIENDS, great friends, whose parents we called Uncle and Aunty, and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees numerous times, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no compensation claims from these accidents. We ate fruit lying on the ground that we shook down from the tree above. And we never washed fruit. We had a bath using a bucket and mug and used Lifebuoy soap. We did not know what conditioners meant. If we did have the odd stomach ache, the gripe water was handy solution.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode cycles everywhere and someone sat on the carrier or across the bar to school or the pictures not cinema, or you walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Not everyone made it into the teams we wanted to. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! Those were the days!! - VJ
First, we survived being born to mothers, some, whose husbands smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate whatever food was the put on table, and didn't get tested for diabetes. They were mothers who did not check their blood pressure every few minutes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs and bassinets were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints. We were put in prams and sent out with ayahs to meet other children with ayahs, whilst our parents were busy. We cried, were picked up and cuddled by the ayahs/akkas/auto vallah/petty shopkeeper and were quiet again.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking or going out on our own. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or airbags. We sat on each other's laps for God's sake.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We would share a dosa, dip a chapatti into someone else's plate of curry without batting an eyelid. We ate jam sandwiches or pickle on bread and butter, raw mangoes with salt that set our teeth on edge, and drank orange squash with sugar and water in it. We ate at roadside stalls, drank water from tender coconuts, ate everything that was bad for us from mairu mittai to Bhel Puri to bhajias and samosas, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! There was never a child - not one single child - who was obese! We would leave home in the morning and play all day during the holidays, we were never ever bored, and we were allowed freedom all day as long as we were back when the streetlights came on, or when our parents told us to do so. No one was able to reach us all day by mobile phone or phone. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours making paper kites, building things out of scraps with old pram wheels or cycle rims, inventing our own games, playing traditional games called hide and ride old cycles and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem by digging our heals into the road ( hurt and cut like hell). We swam with an inflated tube which we got from somebody who was replacing their car tyres. We ran barefoot without thinking about it, if we got cut we used iodine on it which made us jump. We did not wash our hands ten times a day. And we were OK.
Our parents trusted us to go on picnics with everyone and anyone, a friend of a friend would be OK and we survived. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no I-Pods, no internet or internet chat rooms, no TV, full stop.
We did not have parents who said things like "What would you like for breakfast/lunch/dinner?" We ate what was put in front of us and best of all , there was never any leftovers.
We polished the lot. WE HAD FRIENDS, great friends, whose parents we called Uncle and Aunty, and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees numerous times, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no compensation claims from these accidents. We ate fruit lying on the ground that we shook down from the tree above. And we never washed fruit. We had a bath using a bucket and mug and used Lifebuoy soap. We did not know what conditioners meant. If we did have the odd stomach ache, the gripe water was handy solution.
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls. We rode cycles everywhere and someone sat on the carrier or across the bar to school or the pictures not cinema, or you walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Not everyone made it into the teams we wanted to. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! Those were the days!! - VJ
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